I HATE ELEPHANTS!!!!

Posted by GregQualls

October 29, 2006

Ok so this isn’t part of the current series. I’ll get back to that in a few days. But I felt like I needed to share this thought with you (whoever “you” are…”you” are really ambiguous “you” know). So Saturday night I started to get this little scratch in my throat. At that point I probably should have started my usual routine of overdoses of Vitamin C (thanks mom) and large quantities of water. But I didn’t, and I got sick.

If you have ever known me when I get sick (which doesn’t happen that often…this is like only the third time Shannon’s seen me sick in the close to five years that we’ve known each other) you know that I get sick hard and fast. So by Sunday afternoon that small scratch in my throat turned into: a throbbing headache, lower back pain, pain in my joints, one nasal stopped up (how the heck does that happen….does just one side of you nasal cavity decide it’s not sick…and if it does why can’t it convince the other side to not be sick too), neck pains, and a slight fever that turned into a temperature of 102 by the end of the night.

Like I said…hard and fast. It’s like my immune system fights it for so long and then says…”Screw it! Have your way with his body…we’ll be back in a few days.”

So when the fever kicked in I did what I always do (now I don’t know if this is the way you’re suppose to break a fever, but it seems to work for me), I took lots of drugs (heavy doses of Nyquil flu…well the generic Krogers brand…and ibuprofen) drank lots of water, and covered myself with lots of blankets to burn the fever out while watching movies and whined for Shannon to get me things.

So I told you all of this to tell you this (don’t you hate when people do that). I was laying on my couch doped up on enough drugs to kill a small mouse (ok…so it doesn’t really sound that cool…but it was probably true). I was watching Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. I was in and out of consciousness, but I do remember one scene. It’s one of my favorite scenes in the whole move.

King Theoden and the men of Rheoden (if I’m spelling these wrong…I’m sorry…but I’m sick…why are you judging me anyways…do you got a spelling complex or something…just let me be) have just shown up at the battle of Minus Tirithe. It seems like the Minus Tirithe is done for. So Theoden does this rousing nock off of Braveheart…but since the movie Braveheart didn’t exist in middle earth the all buy it and ride off into battle outnumbered screaming “death” or something like that.

This where I really get into the movie (again…this is really like 5 movies in one). Because they start to win…their kicking the orcs butts. And then there is this close up of Theoden’s face and he has this look of victory in his eyes. He is winning and he knows it. But then all the sudden the look changes from victory to defeat as the screen shows these huge freaking elephants with like spike and crap all over them.

This is where I had my drug induced epiphany (which makes me understand why some of the great artists where druggies). I turned to my dog Cali (she was laying on my stomach keeping me warm) and told her, “That’s just like life. You think you’ve got everything going for you. You can see the victory on the horizon. And then these huge feakin’ elephants show up. You got all your ducks in a row (which is really hard when you don’t have ducks) and then in comes the elephants. Freakin’ elephants.”

At this point Cali laid her head back down and went back to sleep and I went back to watching my movie.

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