Archive for October, 2006
I HATE ELEPHANTS!!!!
Ok so this isn’t part of the current series. I’ll get back to that in a few days. But I felt like I needed to share this thought with you (whoever “you” are…”you” are really ambiguous “you” know). So Saturday night I started to get this little scratch in my throat. At that point I probably should have started my usual routine of overdoses of Vitamin C (thanks mom) and large quantities of water. But I didn’t, and I got sick.
If you have ever known me when I get sick (which doesn’t happen that often…this is like only the third time Shannon’s seen me sick in the close to five years that we’ve known each other) you know that I get sick hard and fast. So by Sunday afternoon that small scratch in my throat turned into: a throbbing headache, lower back pain, pain in my joints, one nasal stopped up (how the heck does that happen….does just one side of you nasal cavity decide it’s not sick…and if it does why can’t it convince the other side to not be sick too), neck pains, and a slight fever that turned into a temperature of 102 by the end of the night.
Like I said…hard and fast. It’s like my immune system fights it for so long and then says…”Screw it! Have your way with his body…we’ll be back in a few days.”
So when the fever kicked in I did what I always do (now I don’t know if this is the way you’re suppose to break a fever, but it seems to work for me), I took lots of drugs (heavy doses of Nyquil flu…well the generic Krogers brand…and ibuprofen) drank lots of water, and covered myself with lots of blankets to burn the fever out while watching movies and whined for Shannon to get me things.
So I told you all of this to tell you this (don’t you hate when people do that). I was laying on my couch doped up on enough drugs to kill a small mouse (ok…so it doesn’t really sound that cool…but it was probably true). I was watching Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. I was in and out of consciousness, but I do remember one scene. It’s one of my favorite scenes in the whole move.
King Theoden and the men of Rheoden (if I’m spelling these wrong…I’m sorry…but I’m sick…why are you judging me anyways…do you got a spelling complex or something…just let me be) have just shown up at the battle of Minus Tirithe. It seems like the Minus Tirithe is done for. So Theoden does this rousing nock off of Braveheart…but since the movie Braveheart didn’t exist in middle earth the all buy it and ride off into battle outnumbered screaming “death” or something like that.
This where I really get into the movie (again…this is really like 5 movies in one). Because they start to win…their kicking the orcs butts. And then there is this close up of Theoden’s face and he has this look of victory in his eyes. He is winning and he knows it. But then all the sudden the look changes from victory to defeat as the screen shows these huge freaking elephants with like spike and crap all over them.
This is where I had my drug induced epiphany (which makes me understand why some of the great artists where druggies). I turned to my dog Cali (she was laying on my stomach keeping me warm) and told her, “That’s just like life. You think you’ve got everything going for you. You can see the victory on the horizon. And then these huge feakin’ elephants show up. You got all your ducks in a row (which is really hard when you don’t have ducks) and then in comes the elephants. Freakin’ elephants.”
At this point Cali laid her head back down and went back to sleep and I went back to watching my movie.
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One + One = One [Part One]
Part One – The Great Disconnection
So where does the feeling of disconnection come from? How has it made into my bones? How has this disconnection grown to the point that it is a part of who I am?
As I previously stated, the initial disconnection started in a little place I like to call Eden (ok so everyone calls it Eden…but it just seemed to flow). Let’s take a little trip back to Genesis chapter two.
When you read through Genesis chapter two, you see that God has this extremely close relationship with man and woman (I would hope so…He created them). It shows that they were in the garden together. They both occupied the same space, but more than that they spent time together.
You also see that Adam and Even had an extremely close relationship (once again I would hope so…their like the first husband and wife and it doesn’t seem that anyone else is around at the time). There is this connection between all three. We even see between Adam and Eve that, “man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” The connection is so great that they, “were both naked and were not ashamed.”
The idea is that there was nothing between Adam, Eve, and God. They had no shame…no disconnection. They were open, free, and connected…ONE.
Unfortunately the story doesn’t stop there. You know how it goes. There’s like this snake and a tree and some fruit. The man and woman get their grub on and the world is never the same again. It goes to say, “the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings.” It also goes to say that they hid when God came.
What happened? Where did the connection go? Where there was once oneness…there is now disconnection, blame, shame and a bunch of other bad stuff.
The reality is that this great disconnection stems from the fact that there is/was a decision made to settle for something less. Some like to blame God for this disconnection…He created the tree. Some blame the snake.
The reality is that every day God offers me His best (He’s crazy about me..well everone for a matter of fact). But the fruit is always fruitier on the other side…or so it seems. Instead of trusting the One who loves me more than I love myself, I settle for something less. I exchange the great that He offers for the good, ok, bad, and horrible that everyone else (including myself) has to offer.
Therefore I am left with this disconnection. I chose to turn my back from God and what He has to offer and distance myself from Him. I disconnect myself just like Adam and Eve did back in Eden.
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One Plus One = One [Part Zero]
Part Zero – I can feel it in my bones.
For the past year I have been struggling with a concept. The idea of oneness. I haven’t completely wrapped my brain around it, but just by struggling through it I have learned so much. So I’ve been planning on blogging about it for quiet some time. So here is part zero of a four part series on oneness (it’s to much to fit into one blog…to much for four even…but I’m going to try).
I can feel it in my bones.
This thought, feeling, emotion that everything isn’t the way it’s supposed to be.
I feel like there is this great distance between who I am and who I’m suppose to be. This disconnection between what I am taught about myself and what I truly feel. I can’t explain it. I can only feel it and realize its existence.
Some would say it’s the disconnection that started in the garden. That disconnection between man and woman…people and God. The disconnection to start all disconnections. I would agree to some point….but it feels like it is more than that. I feel like that is a cop out.
I feel like there is some kind of lie out there that I’ve been buying into. That who I am…what I believe…what I do…is off. In the grand scheme of things, my cog isn’t playing nicely with others. While the world and Christian culture says one thing…I feel like the truth is the opposite.
I’m a new creation. But I don’t feel new…not even refurbished or rebuilt.
God is infinite…but I seem to only find Him in churches and the Bible.
Sex, sexuality, and anything that sounds like sex is bad…but it feels so good.
The Physical is bad…but the spiritual is good. (this is a big one)
God’s Word is the truth and nothing but the truth…so help me God?
You go to one church and I go to another.
(Even the fact that we “go” to church…but that’s another lie for another time.)
There is one God…with three parts. That just doesn’t make sense.
I’m constantly told about these different parts of my life, different truths in the world, different people, places and things, but everything seems to be connected. When you break it down to it’s essential parts…everything seems to be part of something else. Even though my soul screams “DISCONNECTION” all I can see are the connections.
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